mov51

Time is strange, the changes it incites in the world happens at such a scale and is so ingrained in how we function that we can’t escape the limitations it imposes. As we travel forward with time its effects change both us and our environment. Moments pass and leave nothing unadjusted, everything altered by its incessant march. Growth and rot share this friend in common. Change over time a helping hand to all, both willing and mindless.

Time and it’s forceful motion is the only thing that allows for any sort of, well, anything. Time itself runs our universe and mandates the order in which processes happen. From the order and direction time provides, we step forward, beings that poses the ability to measure and notice its passing. Complex objects that do more than react to the shifting world but define the changes that take place with our own hands. Humans who take their will and make the world react to us.

With time we are able to make our own world, the first steps taken in any journey will always require some amount of time. On grander scales time is your worst enemy, changing the game field and destroying your stockpiles. But if the game were to stop, then no one would be any better for it. No progress could be made, no changes, nothing accomplished or derived from all of the work put in over time.

Is it so strange to think that time, which gives us the very ability to measure it, also changes us as we pass through it? So often I see people counting on the future like its just as set as the past. Acting as though everything is and will be just as it was before, with only the changes they can predict. So many times I see people ignore the warnings of those who have been battered by time, who have seen their beauty fade. I’ve seen them warn those in their glory days that time will see them fade as well.

We often compare ourselves to who we were years ago, to a person that existed before X amount of time. But what if you looked at the small scale. How long ago did you decide to do what your doing now? What length of time was required to set you in your current position, where you stand right this instant? What information do you have that may change your path in the future? At the end of the day, its unquantifiable. There is no way to trace things to that degree, but the loop it puts you through brings up an interesting question that has trapped me since I was very young. Are you really the same person you were just moments ago?

To me, the mind changes every time you get new information. So from my perspective, no, you aren’t. While you may set yourself on an unchanging path that isn’t affected by new information. Every time you look at something, or hear a sound, or even think about a past event you could change your whole path from there on. There is no defined pivot point for changing your life, your mindset, or your sanity, each step on the way alters the course. So stay aware of what your doing and the course it sets you on, it may change you.

I’m constantly learning, taking on projects that need a whole new approach and expand my ability to express myself. Most of them I’ve been trying to do for years, and there is generally one reason for why I continually fail at them. I don’t know if I go in with my expectations too high or if I start digging to deep too early on, but I get overwhelmed by the limitations and constraints of the medium. I wish that I could just think the thing into existence. I see it, why can’t it just be that easy? Whether its a new coding language, art style, program, or type of digital media I get lost in all of the options and what I want out of them. It always leads to me picking up small parts each time I try it while getting slowly better and more comfortable with it. It’s a frustrating loop that degrades motivation and progress.

As you can imagine, this is a horrible and broken way to learn anything. Every lesson split by months and massive amounts of anger. I end up with a mountain of half finished projects that I’m either unhappy with or just flat out don’t function. Resulting in a long turnaround from when I get inspired to do something and when I can actually get it done. Essentially, when it comes down to it, I’m a horrible learner of new things. There is so much that I’m wanting to learn. So many mediums and skills that inspire me from the world everyday. There is not enough time to muddle through it as I have been, I need to make a change in my flow, take charge in how my mind works and define what it is for me to learn.

I am working on it, but its awkward because of the nature of the issue. I can’t just force myself through the frustration while still getting what I want out of it. I still need to stay inspired about the project while learning. Easy enough when you have a goal in mind, but harder when you see how far you might have to go to get there. Whats really at stake is my standards of early content in new mediums. Those early days when the result is no more than a guess at how it should be done. I need to be able to get proper feedback on new things while also being able to work all the way through a project. That way I know the whole processes, what I can change along the way, and how it fits with my vision of what I want.

While this is all great in theory, there is one glaring flaw, my biggest human fear. I have always held the viewpoint of the individual in high regard, to me each persons vision and perspective of the world is of upmost importance to the whole of society. It’s why I rarely loose my patience with people and dedicate my time to enabling people to accomplish their goals. In the same way my viewpoint carries a value to me, and my fear is to share it and be misunderstood. To have the ideas and dreams I have marred by my inadequate skill. Leading back to the point, this is where my high expectations of myself come from. In order to get to the point that I can express my ideas on form, I first need to sacrifice the vision I dream of and make something simple. Say, a donut, one that looks suspiciously like plastic.