Learning a new skill
I’m constantly learning, taking on projects that need a whole new approach and expand my ability to express myself. Most of them I’ve been trying to do for years, and there is generally one reason for why I continually fail at them. I don’t know if I go in with my expectations too high or if I start digging to deep too early on, but I get overwhelmed by the limitations and constraints of the medium. I wish that I could just think the thing into existence. I see it, why can’t it just be that easy? Whether its a new coding language, art style, program, or type of digital media I get lost in all of the options and what I want out of them. It always leads to me picking up small parts each time I try it while getting slowly better and more comfortable with it. It’s a frustrating loop that degrades motivation and progress.
As you can imagine, this is a horrible and broken way to learn anything. Every lesson split by months and massive amounts of anger. I end up with a mountain of half finished projects that I’m either unhappy with or just flat out don’t function. Resulting in a long turnaround from when I get inspired to do something and when I can actually get it done. Essentially, when it comes down to it, I’m a horrible learner of new things. There is so much that I’m wanting to learn. So many mediums and skills that inspire me from the world everyday. There is not enough time to muddle through it as I have been, I need to make a change in my flow, take charge in how my mind works and define what it is for me to learn.
I am working on it, but its awkward because of the nature of the issue. I can’t just force myself through the frustration while still getting what I want out of it. I still need to stay inspired about the project while learning. Easy enough when you have a goal in mind, but harder when you see how far you might have to go to get there. Whats really at stake is my standards of early content in new mediums. Those early days when the result is no more than a guess at how it should be done. I need to be able to get proper feedback on new things while also being able to work all the way through a project. That way I know the whole processes, what I can change along the way, and how it fits with my vision of what I want.
While this is all great in theory, there is one glaring flaw, my biggest human fear. I have always held the viewpoint of the individual in high regard, to me each persons vision and perspective of the world is of upmost importance to the whole of society. It’s why I rarely loose my patience with people and dedicate my time to enabling people to accomplish their goals. In the same way my viewpoint carries a value to me, and my fear is to share it and be misunderstood. To have the ideas and dreams I have marred by my inadequate skill. Leading back to the point, this is where my high expectations of myself come from. In order to get to the point that I can express my ideas on form, I first need to sacrifice the vision I dream of and make something simple. Say, a donut, one that looks suspiciously like plastic.